Nothing Compares 2 U

Today is Earth Day 2020, I listened quietly to the singing of birds in the quiet world this morning, and the chatter of my local squirrel running back and forth on the fence outside. Mother Earth is enjoying this respite from our nonstop battering.

My friend, Peter Kat King who a couple weeks ago was in the hospital being tested for COVID19 (he is negative) dropped by unexpectedly with a tray of Neldam's Bakery cookies. If you see Peter, tell him I'm only eating them out of gratitude (the truth is they are feckin' delicious and I don't care about calories these days even if I'm fat as f**k). Truth is, I cried when Peter came by because I thought I might never see him again after his latest medical fiasco. This is the space I'm in right now; I cry while I'm eating cookies, and I cry when I hear music, and when I see people, and I cry... because I cry. The cookies don't help but I pretend they're a version of mother's little helper. Which they kind of are.

Today is Charles Mingus's birthday and I give you Moanin', because even if you don't like jazz, moaning is exactly how I'm feeling a lot these days and the music is in words written in notes... like I  can read this and know exactly what the 'words' are....

Enjoy this brilliant piece of music, but the incomparable Mingus.

Prince's 2016 death anniversary was yesterday, as was the day my son, newly home from the hospital after brain-surgery in 2014, wrote a post thanking me for my support. I cried a little yesterday. Okay to be honest, I cried a lot.  About five years ago yesterday, I took a hike with my now deceased husband (Ibae baen tonu Carter). It was a little overwhelming, all these little memories and to think this year, I'm sitting alone in a house waiting for the day I can see the people I love again.

Nothing Compares 2 U 

Prince wrote this and gave it to many, many artists, each who did it justice in their own way. Sinead O'Connor released this single 40 years ago, March 1990, and I happen to think that she slayed it.

I had to take a Xanax today. Anxiety comes in waves, sometimes disguised as anger, frustration, lack of patience. Focusing becomes a trial of wills; mine against any distraction. I  literally saw the squirrel outside and almost dropped my work call to go give him some pecans, just because. Most of the time I can breath through it, sift through the billions of misfiring in my brain screaming at me to run, run, run. Today was the day I was gonna run. Instead, I took a Xanax, and I honored myself with a'ish*.

Baking bread, a talent I have nurtured for a long time, intermittently, has become almost an obsession. Sourdough starter, everyone's fave fad foodie fixation, is possible on a regular basis because we.   have.    time. And working with sourdough starter requires a two day commitment, on top of the feeding of the starter, which somehow becomes a living breathing friend who one becomes extremely attached to. It's a weird relationship. This is Burt, who has been fed and is waiting to become part of a dough.

After Burt has shown how excited he is to see me (is that a bubble in your pants or are you inviting me home?) and bubbles up as if he is about to throw up over the edge of his container (it's always the drunk ones who take me home), we end up with the dough, and eventually, 48 hours later or so, the bread.

So now it's evening of Wednesday April 22, 2020 (which I had to be reminded of) and my day was comprised of work-work, the paying kind, and making English muffins (not a complete failure, but def would tweak that recipe somewhat).

I also started a Challah recipe (from a friend whose mom's recipe is still used at the Cheese Board Collective) and that actually made me truly happy.

This is amazeballs bread. The first one I am honestly proud of. I could make this every day for a year and not get tired of it. Yeah, I have a bit of braiding issue, but other than that, it's DELISHUS.

Believe it or not, I also got a full day's work done and then even got on my new rowing machine and pushed out 20 minutes (my knees and hips don't like this, and I have to tell them to stop moanin', but whatever).

Now, I'm floating and tired and hoping for a full night's sleep, a rarity these days but even if I don't, know that Nothing Compares 2 U -- Yeah, I mean it.

* - A'ish is a colloquial Arabic word which means bread but it also connotes life; in that bread, the basic staple on the table is what sustains life. We give a'ish to those we love or have peace with, when we break bread.