The Apocalypse - Day One

March 17, 2020.

It didn't take long for the proverbial shit to hit the fan, and it's barely even started yet. I'm only one of the millions of people who are, as of 12:01 a.m. last night, on a 'shelter in place' order by both the City of Berkeley and State of California for six Northern California counties. The rest of California will fall in as the days follow.

Minute to minute update: Sacramento County, Davis, Manteca and Santa Rosa were put on Shelter in Place or Stay at Home as of this evening.

This is nuts, except it appears to be 100% the right thing to do. Not just because the government needs to organize around slowing the spread of Novel Coronavirus, but because, well, a lot of people are assholes and don't care.

Toilet paper was the first to go, and while most of the rest of the country has plenty of Charmin available, a few states went into TP panic and the stores were wiped clean. People have been fighting over the stuff. The thing is, there's no reason in the world to panic over toilet paper. There is enough if we all don't go buying up far more than we need for a month or so.

This illness does not include diarrhea in its list of adverse effects. In fact, I'd submit that if toilet paper was your first hoarding compulsion, you've got it all wrong and possibly should change your diet or see your doctor.

Pretty soon the rest of the country will be doing a manic rush to the paper products aisle at their local supermarket, but right now I'm hearing first-hand accounts that the citizens of Arizona are having a big St. Patrick's day party and calling it a hoax and the beaches in Florida are bustling. They don't feel the urge to hoard toilet paper yet -- but they will. Oh, yes they will. Bank on it.

I already had a big box of TP having already ordered from Who Gives A Crap, so my household is all set in the ass-wiping department. What we lacked were basic sanitizing staples. By the time this became a reality to me, all those little bottles of goo were gone. As was isopropyl alcohol, and even Everclear, which I discovered after my clever notion that Everclear would sub in a pinch. Turns out I'm not that clever. Wray and Nephew over-proof, however, was still in stock. I bought a bottle, which I will probably make into cocktails in a Calgon-take-me-away moment somewhere down the road.

But I digress.

The local corner liquor store had a stock of small bottles of hand sanitizer. The highway robber who owns the place said his supplier had a few bags, so he stocked up. He was selling small bottles of the stuff for $4.99. This guy is a shyster but he knows full well and fuck you very much that we will pay for it, and so I did.

The local Whole Foods was wiped out by the time I hit them up. Bottled water, toilet paper, paper napkins, paper towels, tuna fish in water, pasta, most pasta sauce, bread, yogurt of all things... all gone.  People pushed carts so full they were leaning over just to push them. They were buying every non-perishable they could stuff into their carts. I snagged tuna in oil, which I prefer anyway. I'm not that health-conscious. But hey, it was line caught and sustainable, and olive oil is good for you so I feel like I scored.

That was March 9th; eight days ago. I went back to shop on March 14th, and found myself gazing at the chicken and considered picking up several packages. I don't even like chicken very much.

I picked up a $45 corned beef, stricken at the thought that there was only one at the house -- not at the eye-gouging cost of it, and by God I must have this thing. Recouping my right mind, the corned beef was placed back in the cooler. Chips; what would life be like without chips I thought and hastily grabbed a bag. On sale, it seemed a practical purchase. Why not?

For some inexplicable reason, I bought a two-pound bag of gluten-free chicken tenders. I have never in this life, even as a mother of a young child 30 years ago, purchased those things. Now I will survive the pandemic. I has the tenders.

Here's the bottom line: when things are out of our control, the easiest thing to do is assuage the anxiety with what seems plausible. For me in the moment, it was chicken tenders. For others, it is toilet paper.

A funny realization is that when lacking the ability to go out and simply buy what I want, I then want what I don't have. Sure I have all the things I normally eat on a regular basis, and am lacking for nothing. What I want right at this very moment is not the corned beef, tender and fragrant, waiting for me to eat it with mustard and a pile of bubble and squeak, but rather a Reuben sandwich. The lack of sauerkraut, rye bread and thousand island dressing is the problem. I don't eat Reuben sandwiches except for maybe once a year when I eat out somewhere. Today, I want a Reuben.

The impact of this means I can't see my son, or my grandchildren, for the foreseeable future. They all live in other cities, not too far, but just too far, from me. Modern technology means I can video chat and see their faces. They don't see me cry intermittently throughout the day. They don't know that my missing them is more than just not seeing them for weeks (or months. Shhh, I didn't say that). My fear is that one of us will get very, very sick as this virus mutates and potentially infects younger and younger people, or it gets me. I fear not touching them again, sharing meals, loving them in person. My fear is that they are not here for me to protect from a dragon I cannot slay.

A couple of highlights:

My neighbor came to visit this afternoon. We sat outside and had a beer, sitting 10 feet away from each other. She is self-employed in personal care industries. She is looking at not being able to pay her basic bills and mortgage this month.

A Nextdoor account claimed to have gotten a $43 ticket at Tilden, a regional park, for not sheltering in place. The Regional Parks were closed along with the shelter in place.

Update: the parks have subsequently changed their stance and are now open.

A week ago today, Italy had 10,000 cases -- a major problem. Today there are 31,000. That's right, COVID 19 invaded 21,000 new hosts in seven days.

In the U.S. we could blame this on a lack of testing a week ago versus today. Not Italy. They're testing everyone who gets sick. They are also ranked 2nd and the U.S. is 37th in Healthcare ranking. We Are In Fucking Trouble Folks.

Wynn and MGM Las Vegas closed their casino resort doors yesterday. Today, a mandate was issued that all casinos close (I believe this is in California only at this point). If you've ever read "The Stand" you might find this a little eerie at best and kind of horrifying at worst. Las Vegas's entire population relies on gambling and without gambling, the entire desert city that shouldn't exist in the first place is done. Doomed. Over.

Consider: This is a SHITTY TIME TO BE POOR and we need to acknowledge how little we are caring for our own people. Imagine not having two nickels to rub together in this pandemic and needing to buy basic necessities. Maybe you can, like me. I had a friend a million years ago who was so poor she reused disposable diapers if she could. We're talking poor-poor. Working poor. Imagine this in a world where there is no toilet paper left to buy, not even single rolls, which is all you can afford. Or diapers. Or baby formula.

Okay, we're gonna be done with day one of sheltering in place in just a few hours here on the West Coast. I have a job right now, and I can work remotely and still get paid. My fortune is a blessing, and my gratitude is unmeasurable. Even still, my fear has to be dampered to a dull roar, because everything is malleable, changeable and frankly, very scary.

More to come tomorrow.